FOR CONSIDERATION OF ALL RELEVANT LOCAL GOVERNANCE BODIES:


THE DALEK PARADIGM, CLEARLY REPRESENTING DANE COUNTY’S MOST IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE DEMOGRAPHIC (IE, ONE ‘REPUBLICAN DALEK’), HAS AN INTEREST IN THE CITY’S CURRENT INFESTATION OF HIPSTERS.

THIS INFESTATION, WIDELY KNOWN TO BE LOCALIZED ALONG WILLIAMSON STREET IN MADISON’S NEAR EAST SIDE, HAS LONG BEEN A SCOURGE ON THE (LET’S FACE IT, DISAGREEABLE AND OVERLY LIBERAL) RESIDENTS OF DANE COUNTY. AND IT ANNOYS THE DALEK INTENSELY.

INTENSELY. AND THAT IS UNWISE.

HENCE THE REPUBLICAN DALEK CONVENED A STUDY GROUP IN THE DALEK PARADIGM, CONSULTING WITH THE BEST DALEK ENGINEERS, STRATEGISTS, AND EVEN HIS SUPREME, AND TOGETHER THEY FORMULATED A BOLD TWO PART PLAN:


PART 1: COORDINATING WITH LOCAL GOVERNMENTAL BODIES AND DEVELOPMENT COMMITTEES, THE DALEK PARADIGM SHALL PRODUCE A DETAILED TEN YEAR PLAN FOR THE REVITALIZATION OF WILLIAMSON STREET, INCLUDING ASSESSMENTS OF ENVIRONMENTAL, ECONOMIC AND SOCIAL JUSTICE IMPACTS, RECEIVING INPUT FROM ALL RELEVANT STAKEHOLDERS.

PART 2: WE SHALL COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DISREGARD THE RESULTING PLAN, AS IT WILL PROVE BORING AND OBSTRUCTIONIST. INSTEAD OF ITS RECOMMENDATIONS WE WILL RAIN HELLFIRE DOWN UPON THE HIPSTERS, PURIFYING THEM IN THE INTENSE INFERNO RESULTING FROM THE IMPACT OF A MODERATELY SIZED (LESS THAN 1KM) IMPACTOR, WHICH WE WILL RECYCLE FROM THE SOL SYSTEM’S ASTEROID BELT.

BECAUSE WE CARE.

SUBSEQUENTLY MADISON SHALL POSSESS THE NATION’S FIRST URBAN METEOR IMPACT CRATER PARK, A NEW, EXCITING AND INNOVATIVE TOURIST ATTRACTION. WE EXPECT SURVIVORS TO RAPIDLY REDEVELOP THE AREA, AND THE PROGRAM SHOULD PAY FOR ITSELF FROM INCREASED TAX REVENUE SOMETIME BEFORE THE SUN GOES RED GIANT.

DIS-RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,


THE DALEK PARADIGM WILLY STREET STUDY GROUP

CHAIR-DALEK: THE REPUBLICAN DALEK

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